“Why did you say yes?”
That is a damn good question.
My life was fine before SC. I was happy and I was free from the uncontrolled variables that are introduced when you have a partner with whom you share the same space.
I made the choice to be alone into my thirties rather than marry or shack up with just any old someone just to make society happy. Did that mean that sometimes I skipped out on a holiday party or two? Heck yeah it did. One can only be asked about their relationship status so many times in a short span of time before losing their wits. It was never really about not being able to answer the question of why I was single, it was the nosiness. It was the implication that my life was somehow less than because I was single and that there was no acceptable answer. Besides, I will likely skip those same parties this year for two reasons, a) there are too many parties back to back to begin with and b) next they will start asking about kids.
I did not settle for the skeezy dudes and the men with whom I had nothing in common who wanted to marry me because they were desperate and I happen to be pretty. I didn’t settle for the man who took me out on “friend” dates almost monthly for 8 or 9 years, but never even kissed me and doesn’t share enough of the same interests. The man who proposed to me via email the day I moved across the country. (That’s romantic in movies because of the background music, not because of the sentiment, trust me, I’m an actor, director, editor, and producer.)
No matter where I have been in my life, I have always had the opportunity to marry. Hell, I could have married the dude I dated before SC, if I was willing to give up all of my wants and needs to protect and serve him without reciprocation, but I didn’t want to do that.
I said yes because SC was everything I have ever wanted. He’s a protector and a provider. He truly cares. He’s in touch with his vulnerability and can express it. He’s smart. I could spend all day every day with him without question. He’s witty and talented and I could go on. He’s magnetic. The biggest thing is, I feel safe with him.
I said yes, because for once in my life, I wanted to close the exit doors. I wanted to remove the flight from fight or flight and dedicate myself to our relationship.
I said yes because I knew I wanted to the day we booked the trip to Vegas.
I said yes because it felt right, because I finally met someone who I not only wanted to share my space with, I wanted to be with him all the time and I still do, even when we’re feuding. I said yes because in that short period of time I’d already seen him at his worst and my feelings still grew for him. Sometimes you have to follow your gut, you know?
I’m not saying everyone should rush out and get hitched to someone they’ve only known for a short time. That’s the last thing I would do. This way is not for everyone.
I made the choice to say, “I do,” and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As I settle into married life, I can see it was the best choice, for both of us.
That being said, there are two sides to this coin. Society makes women over 30 feel like old maids if they are not wed. I’ve always advised against running out and marrying the first person you see just because you feel like you have to.
I want to end this with something that talks about finding the right one and when you’re ready you’ll know and jump in, or some other cliche, but, on the off chance that someone who is single in their mid thirties is reading this, I cannot say that in good conscience. No one in that situation wants to hear that. Everything in life is situational. Feel it out, live your life, and be ready if and when the one you want to choose comes along.